I have known Cory Ricci since the 2nd grade. He wasn"t what I"d call an "everyday" friend because he didn"t live on my street. We mainly saw each other at school, but I had been invited to his birthday parties, begining with his 7th, and ending with his 13th. During the summer of that year, Cory and I started hanging out on the weekends. Riding bikes, and exploring, and just being pals. I had spent the entire summer with Cory. By the last month of weekends with Cory, it started to feel really nice to be with him. It made me feel wierd, but a goog kind of wierd. My heart would race and I"d find myself gazing at his beauty and all the the little things that I had never noticed before. Suddenly there was nothing about Cory that didn"t seem attractive, or even adoreable. The tiny brown birth marks on his neck became the cutest I had ever seen. When we"d ride our bikes and play hard, the sweaty dampness on his neck that made his hair appear wet at the back and on the sides stirred me up. Good Lord! did my friend ever stir me up. With "up" being the descriptive adjactive.

"Oh! hello there! - Where did you come from? - It"s not morning yet. - Go away before he see"s you. 
Please go down - I"ll see you in the morning! - Now go away! - Go on, Get!" I said mentally to the stiffness between me legs. 

We sat high atop Chalk Hill, looking down over our town. When a breeze would come along, I"d here the leaves in the tree above us begin to flutter as the branches collided into each other. The scent of Ivory soap and some unknown shampoo would rise from Cory"s sweaty body and damp scalp. They"d mix in mid-air as the breeze carried the scent passed my nose. To their fullest capasity, I"d fill my lungs with this intoxicating aroma. I would become drunk and dizzy. With only inches of space between our shoulders, I would be far away and dreaming. Miles high in the sky, floating on a cloud. Looking down at us, two friends who couldn"t be more different. 

Cory, with his blond hair and blue eyes, and me with my curly brown hair, and dark olive skin. I could only describe us as other"s often had. We looked like a miniature version of Starsky & Hutch. I took no offense to that observation. It was our favorite T.V. show and these two had a relationship that was close. They"d take a bullit for each other. I couldn"t speak for Cory, but back then, in thoes day, I would have. I would have gladly died in his place without a second thought. It would be the only logical thing to do. Without him in my life, it would be meaningless. A horrific waste of space and precious resources. I"d rather die 

On a Saturday morning, while most 13-year old boy"s where sure to be sleeping in, Cory and I where up and getting our day started early. I"d watch the sun rise, the sun, this keeper of time, and my new nemisis. Having to be home before the street light came on, the sun became the enemy. It would fall lower and lower towards the horizon until it was barely visable over the tree tops. It would be dark soon, and this fucking sun, the giver of life to all living things, would soon go away and take Cory with it. Away from me for another night. 

I had the most beautiful dream that night. I was riding my bike along a narrow path on Chalk Hill when I see Cory on his bike. We smile at each other the second our eyes meet. Cory gets off of his bike letting it fall to the ground, and I do the same. We begin running towards each other in the slowest of slow motion. We run smiling wide. It seems that it will take forever to get to him, this boy, my friend, the first person that I have ever loved. Each stride between a single step takes 5-times as long as it would in realtime.

I see his lips move and his mouth forms into the shapes required to say "Josh - u -ah" My heart is pounding as I realize that he is running to me because he loves me too. I"m fighting so hard to get to him so fast that I pass my physical body and leave it. I"m now looking back and watching us run towards each other. Cory jumps into my arms, his feet leave the ground as I turn around and around in circles with Cory in my arms. As my momentum subsides, his feet slowly return to the ground. My hands drop to his waist while his remain around my neck. Eye-to-eye, we smile and say "I love you" similtaniously. A kiss insues. It"s wonderful and new to me. A jolt electrifies my testicals as I feel Cory slip his tongue into my mouth. It"s warm and slippery. It"s sex to me, for all that I knew about sex. Cory has inserted his tongue, a body part, into my mouth, inside of my body and that is sex as far as I am concerned, and I love it! I start to jerk and convulse.

My eyes dart open and I"m just sitting up in my bed. It"s a dream. I"m not on Chalk Hill. I"m in my bed and I can feel warm semen pouring out. I"m cumming! My penis isn"t even stiff and I"m cumming! I reach down and squeeze at the front of my briefs but it"s too late. The semen pulses out of me as I fight to keep quiet with my mouth hanging wide open. It"s over soon and my head falls back to my pillow. My heart races just from the exertion from my first ejaculation.

Nature is an amazing thing. I have never seen semen before. Not even my own. I"d often caused myself to orgam, and many times had felt that wonderful pulsating surge between my legs and knew that the pulsing sensation was my body trying to expell semen that I was still too young to produce. I wasn"t nieve and knew that one day I"d be rubbing myself towards that feeling and semen would squirt out. I just didn"t know when it would happen or that it could happen as I sleep. The curiosity was killing me. I turned on the lamp on my night table and could see the wetness seeping through the cotton material. I peel back the elastic band of my briefs to find my slimy penis lying upward across the small patch of black curly hairs. They are soaked and coated with this white milky gel. There is alot of it. I"m proud. I don"t exactly know why, but I am proud of myself for doing this. I roll over and go back to sleep with my mess still in my briefs. My mess, a mess that you have to be a man to make. Maybe that"s what I was so proud of.

On the second to the last Sunday before summer ended, and school would begin, Cory and I spent much of the day up on Chalk Hill. I had come very close to telling him about my dream. About how it caused me to sperm all over myself, but I was firghtened. I wasn"t sure what he would think about it. About what I was dreaming that excited so much. As Cory and I sat under "our" tree, a guy and a girl walked along that trail and said hello as thay passed us. They where grown up to our eyes, but looking back, they where probably 19, 20 at the most. A few minutes later, Cory pointed out the couple further down the trail. They stopped and started to kiss and hug each other. 

As only a pair of 13-year olds can do, Cory and I began to mock, and make fun knowing that the couple was too far away to hear us. Cory started the skit in a girlish voice, and I just played along.

"Oh kiss me darling. Kiss me you big strong man!" Cory said pretending to imitate the girl. I replied as the man making my voice deeper then it was.

"Yes! sweetheart! marry me and make me the happiest man on earth." I said.

"I will marry you. I never thought you"d ask. Let"s have lots of kids darling, kiss me! kiss me now!" He said

And I did kiss him, I just leaned in and planted my lips directly on his. He didn"t do anything to stop me. He watched me all the way until my lips pressed tightly against his. God! -Aw -Mighty! was that something. It only lasted a few seconds until we broke apart and looked at each other. Cory smiled and did that thing with his eyebrows like Groucho Marxx. He raised his eyebrows up and down twice really fast with a smile.

Then I lunged back towards him and restarted the kiss. Except this time we hugged like the couple and I felt Cory"s hand as his fingers ran through my hair. My hand was rubbing up and down his back. And we fell back until we where laying on the ground holding each other and kissing. I"m sure that only a matter of minutes passed before we broke away from this kiss, but it seemed like it was a lot longer then just minutes. The look on our faces must have been quite a sight. Cory was the first to speak.

"Whoa! -I um" Cory said wide-eyed looking down at the lump in his crotch .

"Me Too!" I said looking down at my own lump.

"Well that"s the last time I make fun of people for doing that!" Cory said.

"Me -- too." I said with a gulp between words.

Somehow we couldn"t seem to start back up what we had been doing, because now it would require one of us telling the other that we wanted to do it more. It was too huge of an obstical to overcome and we dropped the subject. Cory said that he had to go stay with his grandma and grandpa next week in Arizona, but he"d be back and that he"d meet me by the flag pole on the first day of school.

When that day ended for us, and we where at the spot where we"d have to ride off in different directions, I found the courage to say. "I"ll see you in two more Monday"s sweetheart."

"Okay darling!" Cory said and we laughed like little girls as we rode away from each other. 

On that first monday, I ran all that way to school frantically scanning the sea of students looking for him. For that blond hair, that freckled face. Cory was not at school that day, or the next, or the one after that. On wednesday, I peddled my bike the 4-miles to his house. There was a FOR SALE sign in the yard. A young boy across the street called out to get my attention.

"Cory don"t live there no more. He moved to Arizona with his mom." The boy said.

I couldn"t deal with the fact that Cory was gone, that he no longer lived in that house, and I will most likely never see him again. I couldn"t understand why he didn"t come and say goodbye to me. If he knew that he wasn"t coming back, why didn"t he say goodbye? That hurt me a lot because I didn"t get to tell him about this feeling I got from just thinking about him. Thinking about our kiss.

The whole first week of school passed and I was drained to the point of exhaustion. I had barly slept at all and just cried every night. The following Sunday I went up to Chalk Hill and stood along the path by our tree. I saw dozens of Cory"s Nike shoe prints in the dirt where we last sat. I felt somthing coming over me. and I fell to the ground and cried. I cried in the very spot where I had never beem happier. Where Cory and I had kissed. I cried so hard that I vomited all over my arms because I just couldn"t move. I cried until I fell asleep right there under the tree. 2 hours had passed before I woke up. I jumped to my feet and looked down the trail to the left and right. No Cory! I was alone. I was all alone and I had a feeling that I would stay that way for years, if not forever. I stood up high on the hill. I was sad, I was hurt, I was angry, my heart was broken, and my life was over. So I screamed.

"C - O - R - Y ! I scramed at the top of my lungs"

"C - O - R - Y , C - O - M - E B - A - C - K ! - - - - - - P - L - E - A - S - E !" I shouted again before falling to the ground again. I remember looking over the edge and wondering if it was far down enough to stop this pain. This broken heart that I was sure would kill me anyway.

I got to my feet and turned around facing away with the back of my feet just inches from the edge. I held my arms out parralell like a high-diver on a diving board. I looked up towards the sky. It"s the last thing I want to see until I get I reach that eternal darkness. I hear a voice.

"What in the world!" I heard a womans voice. I looked and there was a old lady with a small white dog on a red leash. She was about 50 feet up the trail. 

"Be careful honey, you could fall." She says. But when she looked closer, she see"s the tears streaming down my face, and stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh my God! - No! Please. - Honey! Don"t do that! - Please move away from there." 
She said holding her hand over her heart. "I"m a mother. Think about you mother! sweetie" she said. Her dog started barking at me due the sound of panic in it"s masters voice. "Shotsie, be quiet!" she said.

"Leave me alone lady!" I said as I picked up my bike rode away. 

About 3-years later I was at the supermarket with my mom. I noticed her right away. It was the lady with the white dog. I watched her eyes make contact with me and she tilted her head a little as she struggled to figure out where she knew me from. I guess boys change more between 13 and 16 then old ladys do between 60 and 63 because I spotted her in a second flat. 

My heart was pounding , and I didn"t know if she knew that the lady behind me was my mother. It was only going to be seconds before it clicked. She handed her keys to the ckecker to scan her club card and I saw a picture holder with a picture of her dog on her keychain.

"Is that a picture of Shotsie on you key chain?" I said.

"I thought you looked familiar sweeite, whats your name?"

"Joshua" I said

"Where do I know you from Joshua? How do you know my dogs name?"

By now my mom and this lady are looking at each other and the lady still hasn"t pieced it together. Like I was as hostage and she was the negotiator. I looked her right in the eyes with my mom right behind me. I wanted her to know that she couldn"t say anything, and had to go along with what I was saying.

"You where walking Shotsie on Chalk Hill. Remember? I almost rode my bike over the edge on accident, remember? If you hadn"t yelled out and warned me I"d probably be a gonner right now." I said.

My mom gasped and then scolded me for not telling her about it before. The lady hugged me and told me that she worried about me and wondered if I was okay. 

"Oh! I"m not careless like that anymore." I said. 

"That"s good to hear. Honey" She said. The lady who saved my life came back into my life after more then 3-years. Then walked out again and I never bothered to ask her what her name was. But I found a few months later that her name was Ruth. I saw her picture in the paper, my heart sank. That meeting in the supermarket was no chance encounter. For the first time, I realized that neither was out first meeting that afternoon up on Chalk Hill. This lady was supposed to meet me on Chalk Hill because my life was new and had just begun. I"m certain that I was supposed meet her in the super market because her life was old, and it was coming to an end. I got a chance to say Thank You, don"t worry about me. I"ll be okay.

Ruth Woods 1917 - 1980

-----------------------------------
(her picture)

Born on June 12, 1917 in Anoka, Mn.
Ruth passed away suddenly and
unexpectadly on May 20, 1980 at the 
age of 63. Ruth moved to Southern
California in 1940 to attend Whittier
College. She is proceded in death
by her first husband Daniel, eldest
son Micheal. She is survived by her 
daughter Leslie, of West Covina, and
surviving son Jack, of Arcadia.

Active in her community since she 
retired in 1978. Ruth spent the last 
3-years voluntering countless hours
at the Dept.of Mental Health Service
and overseeing suicide prevention
programs. Memorial services will be
held on fridy at The Little Chappel in
the Rose Hills Memorial Park in
Whittier.. Burial services will be
private.

I think that on that day in the supermarket, my mom picked up on the fact that there was more to the story between me and that lady. Ruth was too emotional over something that had a good turn out. She said that she has worried for years and I think my mom picked up on that. I mean unless they lady had spent 3 years worrying that I might "accidentially" walk off a cliff again someday.

I asked my mom to take me to her funeral. She told me that it was private for family and I said that I would just stand a little ways away. There was only a hadful of people there, maybe 15 or 20 and I listened to the service. I never saw Ruth"s dog until it took off running and barking. A lady was chasing the dog as it ran towards the road where all the cars where parked. I saw a green maintenance truck and the dog heading in the same direction.

"SHOTSIE ! " I hollered. The small white dog stopped, turned, and ran up the embankment towards me dragging it"s red leash. I got down and petted the dog. White hairs where getting all over my suit. The dog jumps and I"m on the ground being licked to death by this hyper dog. As the lady comes up the hill to get the dog she looks at me and stops. She starts crying and I thought that it was wierd because she was crying when when I first saw her walking towards me. She stopped dead in her tracks and put her hand over her heart. It reminds me of Ruth that day. This had to be Ruth"s daughter. "Leslie, of West Covina" as it said in the newspaper. She"s trying to speak.

"I"m just going to die if you tell me that you name is Joshua" She said.

"Okay then, I better not tell you my name then Leslie of West Covina." I said.

She starts crying for real and tells me to follow her back to the service. We stood quietly and the service was over about 10 minutes later. I thought that it was wierd that sombody could save a human life and when it was all said and done, they got planted in the ground in a matter of minutes. A guy walk"s over and he"s got tears too.

"Christ! Les. don"t tell me this is Joshua?" He says. The guy was Ruth"s son "Jack, of Arcadia"

I guess that Ruth had told them years ago about what she saw up on Chalk Hill. 

"I had never seen my mother happier then the day she ran into you and your mother in the supermarket. She had always felt that you chose another time and place to finish what you started." Leslie said.

My mom got out of the car and started walking up the embankment. Ruth"s kids saw the fear in my eyes and they told me not to worry, they knew "they story" as Ruth called it. But I was started crying and it was all of this lying and covering up that had been making me misrable. I swear I heard Ruth"s muffled voice coming from her casket.

"Tell her honey! - She"s your mother. - I"m a mother, and we don"t stop loving our children. No matter what"

I handed Shotsies leash to Leslie and took my moms hand. We walked up the embankment to a little cement bench. My mom was worried. 

"Joshua, what"s the matter?"

"That day that I met Ruth on Chalk Hill. I wasn"t on my bike mom and Ruth didn"t warn me. She came down the trail as I was about to jump from the cliff."

My mother screamed and hugged me. She didn"t even ask why but she knew that I was about to tell her because her hands where shaking. I looked and could see Ruth"s son and daughter watching us. I took a deep breath.

"Mom, do you remember Cory Ricci? Well all during that summer before he moved away we hung out and I don"t know what happened but I fell in love with him mom. I was in love with Cory but he left and didn"t even say goodbye. So I decided to kill myself by jumping off the cliff because I was gay and couldn"t have Cory as my boyfriend. But Ruth stopped me."

My mother was a mess, and she told me that Cory wasn"t the only boy in the world. And that I"d find one better then Cory. Ordinarly I"d become outraged by anyone who said that there was someone better then Cory, but I understood the spirit in which she said it. I never went to the public restrooms looking for sex after that day. I set my mind on finding the next best thing to Cory how ever long that would take.

I spent the 8th, 9th, 10th, and 11th grade having sex while looking for someone who could make me feel the way Cory did. The way I felt up on Chalk Hill that beautiful Sunday afternoon. That kiss, my first kiss. But I would have no such luck. But the day after Ruth"s funeral I stopped all of that reckless behavior.

As high school was coming towards it"s final year, I was comfortable with the fact that I was sexually, and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex. I had stayed clear of the public restroom for nearly 6 months, but it was wearing me down and I had an itch up my ass that only a man could scratch. I gave in and headed to the mall restrooms. 

I had spent an hour going to several restrooms looking for a man to scratch the itch deep in my ass, but it wasn"t meant to be, not today at least. But then I spotted this guy walking through the mall parking lot. His body is tanned, and his dark brown hair is cropped tightly on the sides and spiked on top. He was wearing a grey pair of Oakley sunglasses. He"s wearing those sikly basket ball shorts and his ass cheeks are fucking hot. His legs where hairy and that drove my nuts. I could dry hump a hairy leg and nut in a matter of minutes. I reached down and gave my cock a loving squeeze as I drove passed. Then suddenly this feeling washes over my entire body, I gasp and sucked in air, as the goose bumps appear on my arms. I haven"t felt this feeling in years. I had always thought that Cory was the only one who"d ever make me feel that way. There is no way I can allow this new stranger to just walk across a parking lot and out of my life. No Way! It"s been 4 years since I have felt what I thought that I would never feel again. I can"t let this one get away from me, I just can"t.

I stop my car and frantically tear open my glove box to retrieve a road map. I knew that it was going to seem lame, but I had to think quick. By the time I stopped and got out of my car, this latan looking hottie was less then 75 feet away. By the time I was unfolding the map by my trunk. I hear him speak. He turns like he going to walk away. But her turns back towards me again shaking his head. Very loudly he speaks to me.

"NO FUCKING WAY! - JOSH! -- Holy Fuck! -- Look at you, you"re a fuckin" man!" He says.

I "m looking and start scanning my memory banks for the name to go with the face of this brown haired beauty, His Oakley"s are obscuring his eyes, I don"t know this guy. I don"t think I do?

"JOSHUA! -- It"s Me!" He says and my knees buckle. -- little white spots start shooting through my field of vision from bottom to top. - He called me Joshua. - I see the black asphault rushing up towards me. - Only Cory would call me Joshua. -- I"m Passing Out! - It"s Cory! - 4 years has passed. I still don"t believe it He"s changed so much! - IT"S CORY! - It"s Cory! - I remember thinking as I felt my body slam into the black
asphault - BANG! - then it was dark. 

I open my eyes to find him, this older version of Cory, this imposter, slapping my cheeks. 

"Dude! What happened? You fainted" The stranger said.

"Take off those shades!" I demanded. 

He removed the sunglasses and there they where, - Those eye that I had burned to memory. The long curly blond strands of hair where gone, The rounder, softer cheeks have been replaced by more defined edges, and skin that was once so soft and smooth now requires daily shaving. But the eyes remain the same. It"s him , It"s Cory, It"s Cory, He came back to me, and tears started to run freely as I threw my arms around his neck. I hug him and don"t recall thinking about it as much as realizing as it was happening. My clinched fist slammed into his stomach right above the belly buttom. Cory flys back landing on his ass. He can"t breath - Because I"ve knocked the wind out of him with a single punch. How dare you!

"Where have you been? and why didn"t you tell me that you where moving?" I said sadly.

"Because I knew that I wouldn"t be able to say some.......Because I knew........I"m sorry Josh!.....okay?"

"Damn Cory! I fuckin" cried for weeks man!...I missed you and I didn"t think I was ever gonna see you!"

"Really? You missed me?" Cory said."

"Of course I did - I thought you hated me for something I did that last week we hung out, remember? 

"No! - Josh. - We where kids and that stuff was fun. - Aint nothing wrong with what we did."

"God! Cory - Look at you. - You"ve changed so much. - You shave - And you"ve got a really great ass!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! - Same Old Josh! - Man! It"s great to see you! - What"s been happening?" Cory said.

"Too much to go over right here. - Plus I"m waiting for an explaination for not saying goodbye"

"Can we get to that some other time? - I"m a bag of emotions right now." Cory asked.

"Sure! I mean as long as you don"t up and disapper on me again?" I said.

"Joshey! What are you doing tonight? There is so much that I want to tell you. So many things that I want to say to you. My mom is in Las Vegas with Tom until Sunday afternoon. Come over to my house and stay with me. It"s right by my old house. Please Joshey, It"s really important." Cory asked.

"I forgot how I loved hearing him call me Joshey. I agreed to go to his house later that night."

END PART ONE HERE