**** Authors Note : This is sort of a Pilot type ordeal. Basically a try out. Is it interesting enough to keep going? How many are interested? Please leave feed back as it will determine if I post the second part on here as well. The first chapter has alot of dialogue, considering it"s an introduction. ***NO SEX*** is in the first chapter. Just a masturbation session. There will be PLENTY of sex I assure you in the following chapters, I just didn"t want to open it and base the story purely on sex. Thanks again for the feedback! ****


Sometimes life doesn"t work out the way you want it. You have your fun moments, your bad moments, and then there"s the moment when you die. No one ever thinks about that moment. It always played in the back of my mind. When would I die? How? Would it hurt? Would God be angry with me when I died? The basic normal questions. Everything in my life, however, was far from normal.

I grew up your average kid I guess. I don"t remember much about my child hood - a certain trade off. Memories sort of, went right out the door I guess you could say. I remember bits and pieces though. A mother who worked non stop to provide for me, a father who was addicted to anything that would take his mind off of the real world, as long as he could smoke it or snort it, he was content. You know, normal.

I wasn"t the popular kid, as a matter of fact I was the chubby, make-you-smile but never date kind of guy. I was used to it, I"d been pretty big all of my life. I loved to make people laugh regardless. It helped me with my insecurities. I eventually got out of that stage and went on a health craze, got in shape - the whole nine. Just in time for what was coming my way, you could say.

Like I said, we usually don"t remember much before it, but when it actually happens.. The pain is unbearable. If at any point in life you never wished to die, this would have you begging for the blackness to take you.


"She left me." A staggered, deep voice exclaimed softly.

"Wha- why?What happened?" My eyes upward in a shocking expression.

"She said she.. wasn"t feeling me.. that she didn"t want to hurt me."

A sigh came from the slumped, half teary eyed teen on the back of the steps outside of a large dance hall.

"Oh." I could only manage to get out.

"There will be others dude, it"s o.k." I tried to comfort him.

Wish you would just let me love you already, you"d never have to feel this pain..

I thought to myself and began to roll my eyes while patting him on the back.

I was a gay youth. This was supposed to be the greatest night of all time, prom. Or so they said. Everything that could"ve went wrong that night did. And I don"t complain ever. I"ve always counted my blessings. But for some unknown reason, we just couldn"t catch
a break. Well, actually, he couldn"t catch the break.

"Cole, you just have to roll with the punches sometimes. It"s not always going to work out with every relationship no matter how much of yourself you put into it. Love doesn"t work like that."

I kinda felt ackward saying it like that to a straight guy but, he never really had a "shield" like most straight guys do when you cross a certain line as friends. Actually, I think that"s what made me so crazy about him.

"I know, I do it all the time I guess. I just, I just want the right one. I don"t understand what I do wrong, or - or how to.. I don"t know.." He studdered to get the half intelligible sentence out.

"I highly doubt it was you. Both of us know that she was far from your type."

Unless you"re some secret man whore that I"ve never noticed or been told about.. I could work with that haha. I thought to myself and chuckled lightly.

He turned around and looked up at me. Seeing his face - the red, eyes watering, eye lid shaking, quickly took the smile off my face, it almost made me cry to look at him.

"Listen, come on, I"ll get you home and we"ll get your car tomorrow morning."

"Thanks Jerm." I hated when he called me that, and only he was allowed to. I preferred Jeremy.

I helped him up from the steps, grabbed his coat and handed it to him. Swung my coat behind me and headed for the garage. The sound of our feet - smashing sand on the pavement and hollow thumps was all I heard as we made our way to the car. We decided without noticing to just walk up the ramp to the cars instead of taking the elevator. As we were climbing, sort of hunched forward, I couldn"t help but to look at him. Hair as black as midnight.. Skin as soft as silk, as dark as olive. And his eyes.. The way each strand of his eye lashes fanned outward, almost to purposely surround his deep choclate honey comb eyes. He truly was a sight to look at.

I"d say he was about maybe 5"9 or 5"10 that I recall. His lips seemed so chap all the time, but never seeming cracked. His body always ran a constant 100 degrees it seemed. Everytime I was near him I could always feel the heat billow from his body. He could literally melt ice being ten feet away from it.

"Hey!" A loud voice echoed through the garage.

Oh great, not him.. I thought to myself.

"Hey Jay, waddup?" Cole perked up and asked.

"We"re going to party at the hotel they got here, ya"ll should come over! Got loads of beer and drinks." His redneck accent was somewhat cute but somewhat annoying at times.

Dwayne looked at me in a questioning gesture.

"Well?" He asked.

"Uh I think I"m done for tonight. You go without me, then just call me later if you need a ride."

I couldn"t stand being around drunks as it was, but redneck drunks? No. This was not happening tonight. My head was already killing me from all the over exaggerated fog they had in the dance hall, coupled with the constant use of strobe lighting. No thanks.

"Aww yer" no fun!"

And you"re no DiCaprio, but you don"t see me complaining.

"Well I"m tired and not in the mood to drink. You guys go have fun then just call me when you"re ready." I managed to sound tired, though I wasn"t, but it was a polite dismissal which I was going for.

"Thanks man, I"ll catch you later." Cole tapped my shoulder and locked eyes with me, gave me one of those "wish-you-could-stop-time" smiles. With that, they both turned and headed toward the hotel lobby. All I could hear now was the wind blow. The scent of Polo cologne along with Axe deoderant seemed to pierce my senses as they left.

Well this turned into a great night. I thought to myself while turning the key in my car door to unlock it. I threw my jacket in the back. It had been a long and very boring night. I didn"t have a date, more so that I didn"t want to tell anyone I was gay, and I definetely liked the fact that no one tied me down if I was ready to leave, I could do so at anytime.

I closed the door and sat in my car for a moment, the palm of my hands massaging my face, trying to get a grip on the fact that the night was still young and I needed something to do. It was around eleven thirty or so and though my body felt fatigued, my mind wasn"t ready to shut down just yet. I turned the key and started up my car.

Ahh this car, at least it never leaves me alone. Best investment I"ve made so far.

I loved my car, it was a brand new "99 Acura Integra. Sapphire blue, my favorite color. I smashed the clutch down, grabbed the shifter to reverse and made my descent to the exit.

As I pulled out, my lights highlighting the darkened alleys and buildings, I caught something in the corner of my eye. I tried to look back at it, it shined for a brief second as the light touched it, then faded in the shadows.

Wonder what the hell that was?

I didn"t linger on the thought much and continued down the street. I figured I"d stop by my secret getaway spot. Most cars wouldn"t travel beach road anyways, even during the day. People always liked to stop at the top of the cliff, but no one ever noticed the small entrance to get to the bottom. At least not in this area.

As I arrived at the entrance, I shut my lights off, pulled my car as far as I could go while remaining on the parts of the sand that would allow traction to get out. As I got out of my car, I began to unbutton my shirt and take off my shoes. Hell, I could"ve gone naked if I wanted to, and I have before, but the wind was blowing somewhat. Not cool, but warm air that would wrap the skin and send a silk like graze all over my body. Just wasn"t feeling the naked tonight.

I walked toward the cave, I always brought my flash light just in case. When I got to the end, I always had to crouch down a bit to squeeze under. I was only 5"9 but the hole still only allowed for maybe 4"8 or so. After walking in, I shined my light around. The rock glistened with a mixture of moonlight and false light. This cave was truly amazing. One way in, unless you can fly, one way out.

I searched along the walls just to make sure no animals had gotten in and wanted to give me a heart attack later on. All was clear. There was a nice formation of rock and sand that allowed me to lean up against it, and comfortably. I could sleep here, live here. So much beauty in just this tiny formation. I leaned back and looked up at the stars. Each star seemed to have a story, at least in my head. Some were planets, I"d always tried singeling those out. But just simply gazing at them was truly incredible.

The wind softly blew inside the cave, my hair not noticing the effect of it much. I"d just gotten it cut before prom, but the front part where it spiked felt like tiny fingers massaging the tip where my hairspray had hardened the tips. As I went to check unconciously with my hand to see if anything had blown in my hair, knowing it wasn"t anything but the wind I started thinking to myself.

I really need a tan, wow! I chuckled. My cream skin, had a gentle touch of golden brown to it, but it wasn"t anything to stand out. I didn"t care for beaches during the day, however. Nor did I care for the sun, ever. Thinking about my life and wondering what was in store for me next, I just laid there and listened. Listened to my heart beat slowly and accurately with my breath. Listen to the wind howl once in a while as it gusted over the top of the cave.

Once in a while, I would hear a car pass by topside. I began to close my eyes and relax my body. Pictures floated around in my mind of tonight, earlier in the week, friends and family. It was kind of annoying sometimes, like I could recall memories from long ago, but not at will. Only when my brain wanted me to see them. I imagined my eyes pacing back and forth if I were to look at them from a panoramic view. I couldn"t take it anymore, I needed clarity. I opened my eyes, as they adjusted to the moonlight.

Suddenly, something at the top caught my eye. I sprang up in a seated position, then made my way to standing tall.

"H-Hello?" My shaken voice asked.

The shadow moved away and I could hear it leap off. I went to exit the cave to find out what it was. As I bent down, I replayed what I"d saw over in my head. I was sure it wasn"t an animal. It was someone, some..body? Questions flooded my head as I exited the cave.

How did he.. Thats a long jump.. How long had he been there..?

I turned and looked upward at the cave out of reaction. Nothing. I shined my flashlight around the area to get a better look. Nothing but sand.. Nothing but wind. No one was there.

Was I imagining things? No. I assured myself it was real.

"Anyone else out here?" I asked aloud. I felt stupid because part of me thought I was having a conversation with myself.

I began making my way back to the car. It was time to call it a night. I got in, threw my things in the back and began my journey home. I pulled up to my house, got out to unlock the gate then drove my car in and parked it. As I walked back to close the gate I stopped in my tracks to listen. I couldn"t hear anything but something felt.. different? Like I was being watched. I couldn"t pin point it, and as I looked around I saw nothing.

What a weird feeling.. Hell, this night has been kind of strange all together.

I locked the gate back up and pulled out my cell phone to check the messages. One new text from Cole :

"Hey Jerm." I rolled my eyes at the nickname he would always call me by.

"Hey Jerm.. I"m stayin at the hotel with Jay and them 2night. I"ll catch u in the morning. Thx dude, hope I didn"t piss you off with the ditch thing, I just had 2 get out u know? N E ways, I"ll see u
later."

Yea, right.. Morning? Who"s he kidding. I thought to myself. I knew he"d be hungover and wouldn"t want to do anything all day. I shrugged it off and closed my phone. I opened up the house and crept in quietly. I lived with my grandma and she couldn"t really hear all that well but I never liked waking her up. Partly because she would ask questions like "How was your night" and "Where did you go". I just didn"t like answering them. Some nights I would go to a gay club or bar, and to answer that would be difficult, considering I hadn"t told a whole lot of people yet. I went straight to my room, got into some gym shorts, brushed my teeth and crawled into my bed.

That feeling still wouldn"t go away. Deep down in my gut, unexplainable. I thought it might be an anxiety attack but, I"d taken my medicine before bed. My mind wandered a list of possibilities. I could only come to one conclusion : someone really was watching me. I kept thinking about the shadow figure that seemed to watch me as I lay peaceful.