Considering they were in a nerd-haven, Woody Anderson was pleasantly surprised to find three girls—three rather hot high school girls—browsing about the aisle. “Hey Woody,” they smiled and waved and giggled together. 

The confident thirteen-year old gave a suave nod to acknowledge them. Even though he was still in junior high, his popularity had already extended to high school. Woody thought it was because of his good looks and winning personality. But it also doesn’t hurt to have a popular twelfth-grade sister. Woody let his friends do their own thing and decided to walk up nonchalantly to the girls who were looking through carts of old vinyl albums. The eight-grade boy was tall for his age and he stood about the same height as the girls. “Hey, Sheryl. Why didn’t you come over last week? I missed your pretty face, babe.”

The caramel-skinned girl rolled her eyes, “My face is about six inches north of where you’re staring. Why don’t you go get crushed by a girl your own age, Sherwood.” His face reddened; he hated when people call him by his proper name, “And your sister will be out in a minute, so if you don’t want her to find out you’re hitting on me again…you betta get back to your friends…”

In the corner of the store, a curtain of beads rippled between the doorway, and two people walked out from the dark room behind it. It was his sister, Laurie, arm in arm with her boyfriend Ethan White. Laurie was a tall, slender beautiful girl with lighter blond hair than her brother’s. Her boyfriend had wavy brown hair, blue eyes, and was currently sporting a goatee. She was the lead varsity cheerleader, and he was a captain and starting quarterback of the football team. Together, they were the most popular couple in her school. Woody turned around in an attempt to not gag at the sight of the cutsey-lovey-dovey image.

“What are you doing here, Woody?” Laurie asked.

“They dragged me in,” he said quickly, sounding defensive, “Anyways, does the owner of the store know you two were back their doing God knows what?”

“Yes, I do,” chuckled Ethan.

“Wait? What?” Woody dropped his jaw, “You own this place?” The eighth-grader never really liked any guy his sister dated, but Woody had thought that this Ethan fellow was passable. At least he wasn’t as obnoxious or big-headed as other football players, and he didn’t treat Woody like a three-year old. But now that Woody learned this knew detail, the high school quarterback had lost a ton of cool points in his book.

“Well, not exactly. Technically it’s still in my father’s name, but I’m hoping it’ll be mine after college.” Ethan crossed his fingers, “Just four more years!” 
Woody found it kinda funny that the varsity-quarterback, jock of all jock, seemed really excited to be successor of a comic-book store.

“Well, I got more shopping to do, so I’ll see ya tonight, okay?” Laurie looked up dreamily at her boyfriend, and he nodded and gave her a sumptuous kiss. Even after their lips parted, they still lingered in each other’s arms for a moment before one of her friends said, “Alright. Enough already. We get it. You two are in love. Come on now, before Victoria’s Secret sells all her secrets.”

Woody’s ears perked up at the mentioning of the store, rather, the shop sent from the heavens. As he fantasized about the hot girls trying on lingerie together, he was springing something under his jeans that matched his nickname. But then the thought of his sister picking out sexy undergarments to show her goateed boyfriend was more than enough to soften it for a week.

The girls finally left together, yapping like a flock of flamingos. Woody could hear Cheryl snickering just as they passed through the door, “You’re right. He turned tomato red and totally backed down when I called him Sherwood.” Even though she was whispering, Cheryl’s naturally big voice carried throughout the small store, landing in the ear of Ethan White.

“Why don’t you like that name?” asked Ethan, genuinely curious.

“Because it’s Sherwood, for goodness sakes,” said Woody, “I don’t know what my parents were smoking when they named me that.”

“You’re named after one of my favorite authors,” Ethan said, “As I’m sure your dad has mentioned, the author wrote Winesburg, Ohio. It’s a brilliant collection of short stories. It’s also pretty depressing to read all at once, but that doesn’t take away from its greatness.”

“Ooh, that’s why my father likes you so much,” Woody nodded understandingly, “You’re his teacher’s pet.”

“I’m glad you think that.” Ethan beamed, “Mr. Anderson’s my favorite English teacher…hell, he’s my favorite teacher in the whole school. And you wouldn’t mind telling him I said that, would you?”

“Dude, I’m not gonna kiss my dad’s ass for you. Besides he’s already written you a—what did he call it?—oh yeah, a ‘glowing letter of recommendation.’”

“Oh, great. I’ll make sure to thank him on Monday.” Ethan smiled and went behind the counter to ring up some items for Woody’s friends.

“D-do you have the new Yu-yu-Gi-Oh cards, Ethan?” asked Billy Welling, the red-haired kid with the small speech impediment.

“Yeah, I do,” said Ethan with a raised eyebrow, “But I thought you were saving up to buy my Iron Man action figure?”

“Well, we want him to buy the Yu-Gi-Oh cards to play with us,” said Jimmy Welling. Although they were twins and both had red hair and pale complexion, you wouldn’t know they were twins, or even brothers for that matter, if they didn’t tell you. Jimmy was tall but very skinny, and Billy was short and portly.

“Secretly, Jimmy wants Billy to waste money cause he’s also been keeping an eye on Iron Man,” said Reed Valentine.

“Why don’t you two just split the cost and share ‘em,” chimed in Woody, sarcastically,” You know, have a big custody battle to see who gets to cuddle with their stupid little gay doll on the weekends and holidays and whatnots.”

Jimmy and Billy vowed to never speak to Woody ever again after that. Woody knew it wouldn’t last long…Woody had said worse things before, and they have never stayed mad at him for more than a week. Woody did apologize a couple of times, but in all truth, he would have been sorrier if Reed was the one mad at him. Woody considered Reed to be his best friend. Of the three dorkiteeers, Reed was the least showy of their geekiness. He had dark-hair, brown-eye; he was tall and second only to Woody in body build. Unlike the Welling twins, Reed was more athletic and often went with Woody to the park to play basketball or tennis or baseball. They also liked to hit on girls together. If Reed considered joining a sport at school, or he gained a little more confidence to approach girls without Woody standing behind him, he would have rivaled Woody in popularity at school.

But the week came and gone, and Jimmy and Billy were still giving Woody the silent treatment. This didn’t phase the popular eighth-grader much; he had better things to do than to say sorry to the twins over and over again. And then another week went by and twins still didn’t sit at their usual table in the cafeteria at school. Finally on the third week, Woody did begin to feel a little remorse. He cornered the twins after school in order to talk to them, “Are you guys really still upset about what I said. You know me; I say stupid stuff all the time. I don’t really mean it.”

“Well…i-it’s not just about that time. I-it’s about you always thinking your cooler than us,” said Billy. “We don’t need a friend who looks down on us.”

“Besides, what do you care?” said Jimmy, “You already got your sidekick, Reed.”

“Guys, we’ve been friends since we were still in diapers. I miss hanging out with you guys,” said Woody, “What can I do make it up to you?”

“W-we want the Iron Man action figure,” said Billy.

“Okay, I’ve got enough money.”

“No!” said Jimmy, “We each want the same Iron Man action figure.”
“But there’s only one in the store…” Woody said. The twins shrugged and pushed Woody aside and walked out the door.

After football practice, Woody went over to Reed’s house, but his mother answered the door and said he was grounded for some vague reason. Great…just great, Woody thought, he would have to go to the comic-book store alone. All the way to the mall which was only a few blocks down, Woody mumbled to himself. He didn’t even know why he bothered. It wasn’t like they were great friends in the first place. They were humorless and easily offended and now he had to waste $200 buck (a hundred buck per action figure) to buy back their friendship. But really, what kind of friends can be bought back by money? Are they true friends at all? 

Woody was still grumbling when he threw a hood over his head and entered the store and approached the counter, “Hey, Ethan. Do you have a second set of Iron Man, or is that it?”

“Sorry, this one’s the only one for sale,” said his sister’s boyfriend, “Why’s your head covered, Sherwood?”

“Don’t call me that!” 
“Sorry, it’s just a really cool name,” said Ethan, “Why do you want two Iron Mans?”

“The twins each want one,” Woody said, “Do you have any idea where I could get another one?”
Ethan clicked his tongue, “I can sell you this one for ninety bucks. But I also know a place called Charlie’s Junks that’s thirty minutes from here. There’s a mint condition Iron Man, but that place is much more expensive.”

“How much more expensive, cause I only have two-hundred bucks total…”
“Whoa,” said Ethan, “You’re fourteen…thirteen? Two-hundred dollars is a lot more than what most kids your age have. What do you do?”

“I walk the neighbors’ dogs. Usually have five or more dogs at once. Two or three times a week. $5 a dog each time. So 50-100 dollars a week.”

“Impressive,” said Ethan, “Look, I’ve been trying to see if I could get something new for the store at Charlie’s. If you want, you can come with and see how much they want for it.”
Woody wasn’t sure about the idea of riding in a car with his sister’s boyfriend for more than thirty minutes, but since he couldn’t think of another option, he nodded slowly. Ethan gave his usual charming grin and went to the back to tell an employee to watch the front while he went out.

Soon the eighth-grader found himself inside the blue-and-white Chevy truck of the high-school senior. Woody was glad he didn’t have to keep a conversation going with Ethan because when the truck passed Southwind’s city limit, heading for the highway, a cellphone rang Fur Elise and Ethan answered it, “Oh, hi, babe. Sorry, I know I’m not there. Your brother’s actually with me…we’re driving to Northwind to find some stuff for the store…” Ethan paused to listen and laughed, “I know, he went quite willingly…it’s like he likes me…” Laurie’s constant chattering kept the phone talk going for most of the way there. When they reached the city limit of Northwind, Ethan smacked a kissing sound over the phone and flipped it closed. He looked over at Woody and asked, “Isn’t your sister great?” Woody snorted and shook his head.

Deep down though, Woody didn’t think his sister was that nightmarish of a sibling. Sure they jab and poke fun of each other all the time, but that’s what brothers and sisters do. On some level, Woody was quite in awe of his sister; she was likely to become valedictorian when she graduates, and she had already been accepted to Yale. Who would expect that from a cheerleader who shopped at the mall all day? So yes, Woody did think his sister was pretty cool, but he wasn’t about to say it aloud.

They parked in front of a big, what looked like a warehouse and got out of the truck. They passed under the Charlie’s Junks sign and went through the sliding doors. Woody was rather amazed at what he saw. This wasn’t a comic-book store with little collectible knick-knacks like White Geekz. This was an entertainment store (video games and consoles, toys, electronic devices, and a section in the back devoted for comic-related items). “Don’t let em know that you’re with me, okay? They might mark up the price,” warned Ethan, “Action figure collectibles are over there. I’ll see ya right here in thirty minutes.” And with that, they went their separate ways.

Woody navigated through the jungle of people and displays and finally came to a stop, looking at a pretty dark-skinned girl with long braided hair who was standing behind the counter, “Hey, there. Name’s Charlie. Can I help you find something?”

“Uh, yeah. Do you have an Iron Man doll—I mean, action figure?”
“Sure, what circa?”
Woody shrugged.

“Old version or new one?” Charlie pointed to the two boxes on the shelves behind her, “New one’s twenty. The old one’s $220.” Woody compared the toys. They all looked too similar, but the new one was smaller, and the old one looked like the model at Ethan’s store.
“Old one,” Woody tried to haggle, “Are you willing to go lower? Like 50% lower?”

Charlie threw her head back and laughed, “Sorry. The lowest I can go is $200.” That was exactly how much Woody had in his pocket, but if he bought this one, he couldn’t possibly buy a second toy. The girl behind the counter saw his hesitation and said, “Someone else is thinking of buying it, and they just called in saying they might come and get it, so if you want it, you gotta buy it now.”

“Okay, I’ll get it.” Woody knew he was being tricked, but he couldn’t risk letting someone else buy it, and who knows how far he would have to travel to find another one? Charlie stood on tiptoes as she raised her hands over her head to grab at the box and brought it down to the register.

“That’ll be $214,” she said.
“What? You said two-hundred!”
“You have to include tax, kid…”
“I have two-hundred exactly,” he said, “Can’t you just count that as part of the tax?”

“No can do…” Charlie was about to put the box back on the shelves.
“No, wait! Could you…just hold on a moment. Don’t sell it to anyone. I’ll be right back.” Woody started sprinting through the aisles, cranking his head this way and that, trying to find the brown hair, blue eyes of his sister’s boyfriend. 
And then he heard the baritone voice calling, “Sherwood, wait up?”

Woody turned around, his eyes glowing with contempt. Usually the eighth-grader would only have to tell others once to not call him by his proper name, and he knew Ethan was saying it on purpose just to irk him. Woody forced himself to calm down, knowing that since he was about to ask for a favor, he shouldn’t snap at the high-school senior. “Hey, Ethan, could I borrow fourteen bucks. That hot Charlie girl is willing to sell it for $200 plus tax.”

“Sure, no problem,” Ethan reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet and handed his girlfriend’s brother a crisp twenty dollar bill, “Pay it back whenever…”
Woody thanked him and dashed back to the section in the back with all the action figures. He slammed the $220 bucks on the counter and exclaimed, “Got the money.”

“Do you know that guy…Ethan?” Charlie eyed him suspiciously.
“Uh…” Woody remembered the senior telling him not to let anyone know that they knew each other, “No!”

“So you just asked a random person for money?”
Woody frowned, “Look, you already said $200 plus tax. You can’t jack up the price just cause I know him…”
She said simply, “It’s not for sale…”
“What?”
“It’s not for sale anymore,” Charlie said coolly.

“Give the poor kid a break, Charlie,” Ethan walked up to the counter, “He’s just a friend of a friend. Don’t let our history get in the way of a great business deal.”

“You have guts coming over here,” said the girl bitterly.
Ethan pulled out a Benjamin from his pocket, “What if we offered three hundred for it?”

Charlie looked tempted and then scoffed, “$500 and you get dunked in the pool.”
“What pool…” But as Ethan and Woody turned around, they could clearly see the five-foot deep tank of water. It was one of those games at carnivals where someone sits on the plank over the pool and another person throws something at a target to try to bring down the plank and the person into the pool.

“Fine…” shrugged Ethan.
“No, I can’t let you do that,” said Woody, “My sister will kill me if she finds out I let her boyfriend humiliate himself—”
“Oh, I get it,” said Charlie, “Trying to be nice to your girlfriend’s brother to get in her pants. Classic Ethan White move.”

“First of all, Charlie, I’m sorry things didn’t work out between us. And second of all, Sherwood, in case you haven’t noticed…I have a pretty nice body and I don’t think it’s humiliating to show it off in public…”

“God, you are such an arrogant bastard!” growled Charlie as she jumped over the counter and stomped towards the pool. She pointed to one of her employees and said, “You, go get the buckets of you-know-what!” and then turned back to Ethan, “We were gonna save this near the end, but hell, it’s a better time than ever now that you’re here. Go, get on the plank.”

Ethan leaned over and whispered to Woody, “God, I hope I’m not wearing my Winnie-the-Pooh boxers.” Woody couldn’t help but laugh a little. There was something so very likable about Ethan White. As much guard as Woody had put up with his sister’s boyfriends, there was something about Ethan’s ever happy-go-lucky personality that was infectious. He was a very fun guy to be around with, always finding humor in every situation. Even when he talked about his ‘nice body,’ it didn’t sound like he was taking himself seriously. And when Ethan pulled down his jeans to show that he wasn’t wearing a Winnie-the-Pooh boxer, he sighed happily, “Oh, thank goodness it’s just Tigger. 16 of them actually, I counted.”

As Ethan took his time to walk up the ladder and crawl to the edge of the plank, a crowd was swarming around the pool. Girls were whistling and hollering, and the guys were looking just as attentively. Charlie had been dunking people all day, but Woody couldn’t help but think that Ethan was attracting more people than anyone before him. There was no denying that Charlie was a good-looking guy, even with a goatee. And as he claimed, he did have a ‘nice body’. Smooth and tan and lean, with great strong lines…muscular for sure, but wasn’t too bulky, a perfect strong body for a quarterback. The longer Woody looked up at the senior, the more he felt something surging through his body. Woody told himself it was just admiration…

And soon an employee was wheeling out plastic buckets filled to the rims with something strange. Woody couldn’t tell for sure what it was, but by the look of the murky mixture, it wasn’t something pleasant. As the buckets were dumped into the tank of clean water, Woody as well as the rest of the crowd gasped in disgust. Looking down at the slime diffusing through the water, and the chunks of dead, raw squids and shrimps and fish-heads bobbing on the surface, Ethan smacked his lips and said, “Yummy, seafood!”

“Those who want to try to dunk him. Make a line over here,” said Charlie, “And I get the first shot.” A line of at least ten people began to form and Woody found himself ninth in line. Charlie grabbed a football and held it tight. Though the target was to the side of the pool, it was clear that Charlie wasn’t aiming at it. When the ball left her hand, it projected right over the pool and smacked into the surprised quarterback’s arm. The crowd gasped as Ethan temporarily tilted to one side but managed to stay on. Charlie turned around and informed the crowd, “The sensor of the target is faulty, so you’re gonna have to really knock him down.”

Ethan chuckled nervously, “Uh, you know. It’ll be less painful for me if I just jump down right now.”
“No!” scowled Charlied, “No, you’re gonna stay on until someone makes you fall off. And don’t even think about trying to fake a fall.”

As the line continued, Woody couldn’t help but feel terrible about all this. And he couldn’t help but wonder if Ethan was doing all this selflessly, or if he was trying to get in his sister’s pants? But wait a minute, was his sister really still a virgin? Sure, she had sworn to practice abstinence until marriage, but it was hard to imagine anyone saying ‘no’ to a guy like Ethan…But this is disgusting, why did he care if his sister had done it with Ethan? Why was he even thinking about Ethan at all? Oh, yeah, it’s because he’s currently being pummeled by balls of fake, but nonetheless, hard pigskin…just to get a stupid $500 dollar action figure. As his mind came back to reality, Woody could clearly see the reddened and bruised arms and chest of his sister’s boyfriend.

A girl was in front of Woody, and after her, he would have a chance to knock Ethan down. Judging by the size of the girl, Woody knew she was too small and weak to add anymore significant contusions to the quarterback’s flesh. And just as predicted, the girl had merely ‘passed’ the ball to the quarterback who caught it easily over his head. And now it was Woody’s turn. As he stepped onto the mark, he saw Ethan was beating his chest and howling like Tarzan, and again, the eighth-grader couldn’t help but laugh. Woody slowly positioned his body for the throw, but instead of aiming for Ethan’s body, he was eyeing at the target by the tank. The ball left his hand and shot straight at the bull-eyes. The plank dropped and Ethan was submerged in the tank of decaying sea animals.

“What do you know? Looks like the target sensors work after all,” Charlie covered her stomach and laughed. But before she could finish laughing, a splash of slime soaked her body and she let out a high pitched scream, “AAAhh. Ethan…you asshole!”

The high-school senior actually swam in the pool for another minute before slipping and sliding on the ladder to get out. Woody found himself staring intensely at Ethan, making his pecs dance with fishbits all over it. There was a sparse applause and some people had lined up to buy the dunk tank. Charlie had disappeared behind one of the booths to shower and change, and Ethan followed suit. When he came back out, all nice and dressed, his wet hair slicked back, Woody could still smell dead-fish five feet away from him.

Pinching his nose, Woody asked, “If you got the boxer short in your hand, then what are you wearing under…nevermind….”
Charlie took a significant longer time to change and when she came back out, she was glowering like a rabid hyena. She traipsed back to the action figure section and said, “I should have jacked up the price to a grand for what you did to me, Ethan…I’m not just talking about the slime…” she huffed, “But since you helped sale the five dunk tanks we had in stock, I’ll stick to my words. Now where’s my five hundred dollars?”

Back in the truck, with the Iron Man box in his lap, Woody tried to sort out his thought. He was sitting next to what seemed like a cool, decent guy who had went through all this trouble to help him for whatever personal motive. Ethan was just too ‘nice’ a guy, and Woody wondered what he had done to Charlie that caused her to hate him so much. Woody found himself blurting out loud, “Did you cheat on her?”

“What? No!” Ethan said indignantly, “Do I look like a cheater?”
“I don’t know what a cheater looks like…”
“Well, they’re like black-spotted mountain lions,” said Ethan, “But seriously, I just didn’t think Charlie was the one for me, so I broke up with her.”

“Why’s she so bitter than?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps because I was her…first.”
“So, are you gonna dump my sister after you become her…first?”
Ethan shook his head, “Laurie is the greatest girl I’ve ever dated. If we ever break up, it’s more likely that she dumped me.”
**** Lying in bed at night, Woody twisted and turned. The image of Ethan White was constantly in his mind. He kept picturing the reddened skinned under the toned torso, the tight arms flexing as he beat his chest like the King of the Jungle, his bulging legs swinging off the plank, dipping a little into the slimy pool below. Never in Woody Anderson’s life had a guy dominated his thoughts at night. He was rather sick to his stomach to know that he was thinking of such things. No, Woody liked girls, he was attracted to hot, big-breasted girls….there was nothing about guys that appealed to him…nothing. Absolutely not a thing!

In order to absolve himself, in order to herd away these disturbing thoughts, Woody turned on the light of the nightstand and rolled out of bed. He crawled to the closet and carefully opened the door. Burying his hand in the messy pile of junk, Woody groped until he felt the smoothness of the magazine cover and pulled out the periodical. He climbed back to bed, eagerly flicking through the pages filled with beautiful women. He hadn’t settled on a particular page yet but had already sprung a hard-on. Pulling down his plain blue boxer shorts, his mind lapsed back to the image of Ethan’s boxers with pictures of bouncing Tiggers all over them. There was nothing sexy about Tiggers on boxer shorts, so why was his penis throbbing madly under his fist? There was nothing sexy about the man who wore those boxers either, so why was his cock glistening with so much precum…even though the Playboy magazine was still lying on his chest. Quickly he propped up the magazine with his left hand, stroking his cock hard with his right. He told himself the reason he felt so good was because of the brunette girl named Eden on page 12, and not because of the wavy brown hair, deep blue eyes, thin upper lips, fuller bottom lips, and confident smirk of Ethan White. The reason his cock was straining, bigger and more alive than he had ever seen it was because of this brunette girl spreading eagle, showing her pussy…not because of Ethan White’s golden body of a Greek Adonis, nor his hard but smooth pectorals, nor the striations of his abs, not the way his arms twitch when he tried to block the oncoming footballs, not the way he plunged into the water and came out wet, dripping of slime, but still oh-so-GOD DAMN sexy. How the fuck can someone be so fucking sexy covered in fishbits?

Woody’s mind temporarily went blank as he came harder than any other time since he had discovered the virtues of masturbation. He always made sure to moan slowly and quietly so his family couldn’t her, but there was no way to control the utterance of pleasure rippling through him now. One hand vigorously pumping his rod, the other now jiggling his aching balls until creamy whiteness erupted from the head, shooting up so high and coming back down to spatter on his heaving, sweating chest. Quickly followed by a second burst, even harder than the first, spraying all over his stomach. His body shook and erupted a third time and a fourth time, each time he tried harder to keep his groans suppressed in his lungs, but each time they escaped his mouth loudly and satisfyingly…until the door swung open and light from the hallway poured in. Woody quickly covered himself with the blanket. 

“Woody, are you okay?” it was his sister’s voice. Of course, if anyone heard him moaning, it would be Laurie whose room separated his by a thin wall. 
“I’m fine. Go away!”

“Dude, it’s alright. We know guys your age masturbate. It’s not a secret,” she said, “But were you…um…were you calling out my boyfriend’s name?”

“What? No! I’m not fucking gay. And why the fuck would I like your stupid boyfriend? I mean…he’s fucking ugly and he’s got a ridiculous goatee.”

“Dude, chill out! My mistake,” said Laurie, “Just so you know, your magazine’s on the floor…Good night.”
When Woody heard the door close and the fading footsteps of his sister, he threw back the blankets and rolled out of bed again to pick up the periodical. Woody couldn’t believe he had thrown his favorite magazine on the floor; worse, he couldn’t believe he had gotten hard and masturbated and had came that much all by the mental image of one guy. 

The next day at school, Woody Anderson had made up that his mind that the queer attraction to Ethan White was just a fluke, some kind of gratitude for what he did earlier that afternoon, admiration that he had misinterpreted into something sexual. There was nothing wrong with a teenage kid having a male idol…even if that idol was his sister’s boyfriend. In any case, he had just better stay away from Ethan until he could separate the feeling of admiration and attraction. But that would be hard, considering he owed him $400 dollars and would have to pay him in weekly increments.

Woody saw his best friend Reed was leaning against a stretch of brick wall near the entrance of the middle school; his head was low and he was staring down at his feet. The more outgoing boy approached the shyer one and said, “Hey, what’s up? Why were you grounded yesterday?”

“I told my parents something I shouldn’t have…” sighed Reed.
“Wow, you talked back to them. That’s very unlike you.” said Woody, “But at least you stood up for yourself.”

“Yeah, sure…”
“Hey, wanna see what I got?” Woody asked excitedly, “Jimmy and Billy are gonna flip!” Swinging his book bag to the front and unzipping it, he pulled down the flap to reveal the two boxes with the Iron Man action figures.
Reed managed to raise an eyebrow and simply bobbed his head up and down, as though it could fall off his neck any minute.

“Wow, man. You ready need caffeine or something. You’re bumming me out.”
Just as Woody had predicted, the Welling twins were jumping up and down when he presented them the toys during lunch and sandwiching him in a hug. Jimmy and Billy began to sputter out their apologies, saying they knew always that Woody was a good friend even though he said inconsiderate things sometimes, and they promised to pay him back by the end of the school year. Woody thought it was pretty worth it to have Jimmy and Billy as friends again, because at the moment, Reed wasn’t much fun to hang out with. He was constantly moping around, almost bringing down the atmosphere, and became more like a statue following the other three around. Of course Woody and the twins would ask Reed what was bothering him, but the sad kid never replied. So eventually they stopped asking.

Woody had to walk a lot of dogs at least three times a week in order to pay back Ethan in four weeks. The boy was sure the reason Ethan was always in his mind was because he was in his debt. He knew that the sooner he paid his debt, the sooner Ethan would clear from his mind. But when all the $400 bucks were paid, Woody still found himself thinking about Ethan at night, still finding himself getting hard, still jacking off when he couldn’t hold it in any longer. God, he only wished he knew if other straight guys ever went through this phase where they questioned their feelings. Cause this was all it was…just a phase.

And then one day, Reed came over to Woody’s house. Reed hadn’t come over ever since he became all mopey, and Woody was very glad that his friend was beginning to revive again. It had been a long time since they played basketball and Woody was excited to get to play with his best friend. But when Reed followed Woody into his room, the quiet boy gently closed the door. The shorter brown haired boy opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. His face reddened considerably as tears began to fill his round eyes. Woody went up to hug his best friend, completely baffled as to why he was crying.

“My parents are sending me to a different school!” Reed finally said.
“You’re kidding? Why?”
“Cause they want me to change…”
“Change what? What school are you going to?”
“It’s not really a school. It’s a troubled youth center…”

“What? You’re not troubled? You’ve been sad lately, but you’re not like severely depressed, are you?”

Reed shook his head.
“Then tell me what’s the problem…” Before Woody had realized it, Reed had sandwiched his best friend’s face between two hands and had pressed his closed lips firmly onto Woody’s open mouth. The blonde hair boy, in shock of it all, pushed his best friend aside, “What the hell are you doing?”

“I’m gay!” Reed said finally.
“What? No, you’re not. You like girls. We hit on girls all the time together…”

“Yeah, but I never do it alone. I don’t want to…I like guys…” Reed said, “I’m attracted to guys…like you. I really like you, Woody.”
A lightbulb flashed in Woody’s mind that could maybe explain all of this, “Hey, do you think there’s like a gay virus going around?”
“What?”

“Look, dude. Lately I’ve been having dirty thoughts about…” he lowered his voice considerably to say the name, “…Ethan, my sister’s boyfriend. I know I definitely like girls, but maybe this virus is affecting my head and yours.”
“A virus? That’s just stupid…” 

Suddenly the door burst open and Billy came running into the room shouting, “Oh, my god! J-Jimmy’s gay! Jimmy’s gay! I j-just saw him staring at Ethan’s crotch.”
Seconds later Jimmy huffed and puffed as he came into the room, “No, I’m not, you stupid moron. Don’t believe him.”

“Yeah, you are. You f-fag! He was all ch-drooling and stuff, staring at the guy’s nads, trying to hide his d-delighted face behind a comic-book so I wouldn’t notice…” Billy said.

“See I told you Reed,” Woody said triumphantly, “There’s a gay virus going around. We’re all infected.”
“You two did something gay?” asked Jimmy.
Woody nodded and explained his thoughts of Ethan that had been plaguing him for a month since they went find the Iron Man action figure, and also mentioned that Reed had just kissed him moments before Billy ran into the room. Reed proceeded to tell his friends that his parents were making him move to a center to degayify him.

“That’s t-terrible!” said Billy, “The g-gay virus must be true, then. We’ll just have to wait to let it pass…like a c-cold. You just have to tell your parents to let you r-rest or something and it’ll g-go away. We’ll help you. You can’t l-leave us. We’re the F-Freakin’ Four, man. You’re parents can’t split up the Freakin’ Four.”

And thankfully, Reed’s parents didn’t. Whether it was because of Jimmy, Billy, and Woody’s explanation of the gay virus, or they were just happy that Reed had close friends who were willing to fight for him, they had let Reed stay on the condition that it passes by the end of the year. And so the group was back to normal, Jimmy and Billy often invited Woody and Reed to their house to play video games. Woody had forgiven Reed for kissing him, and Reed, now very happy to know it was just a virus that was creating his feeling for his best friend, often went with his best friend to the park to play basketball or tennis or baseball. All four were actively trying to degay themselves by secretly buying straight porno magazines and video from Corey Somers, their distributor, and checking out girls at school and asking them out.

Of course Woody blessed with his good-looks never had a problem with asking out a girl. Jimmy, on the other hand, took four tries before a girl agreed to go to the movies with him, and Billy talked to five girls before one finally said yes. Reed himself also asked out a girl, without Woody’s help, and she had said yes. So by Thanksgiving, it seemed as if everyone’s gay virus had passed through their system.

But by the end of the year, Woody still found himself thinking about Ethan occasionally. Whenever he came over for dinner, Woody would just quickly clear up his dish and ask to go to his room. With a pretty rosy-cheeked girlfriend Jessica Little, Woody had managed to think about her most nights, but some night for unexplained reasons, the same old image of Ethan sitting on the plank wearing a Tiggers boxer short invaded his mind. Woody wondered if his three friends were having as much trouble getting rid of the gay virus as him. Jimmy and Billy have became considerably more confident to ask out girls and seemed straighter than ever. And Reed’s parents no longer threatened to take him to the youth center so he must be cured already. So why hadn’t Woody been cured yet?