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Gay stories > Category :
Fiction > Changes 3: Blur (rewrite)
By Matt Roberts, 0 Reviews Post your review
Rain poured on me and I felt my clothes sticking to my body as I walked.
“Cliché” was the one word that came to mind. Of course there had to be rain, I
want my life to be a drama; only I wasn’t making this up. Sometimes you don’t
fiction isn’t enough; there aren’t enough words to tell what it feels to lose
someone. I walked slowly across the dark, feeling my feet inside my shoes as they
touched the ground, my hands in the pockets of my wet jeans, my blood inside my
body, heavy, so heavy I could just stand in the middle of the street and let the
rain drown me. “We meet Mark at the age of 18, lost and alone, burdened by a
secret he kept from his friends, a secret of something he did not choose nor
want. Mark was gay and in love with his best friend, Matt. His secret and the
crushing pain he felt had become too much to bear and suicide became the
solution. “ I don’t know what I thought of that… Now all I could think about was
Changes. All those lines I wrote all those clichés, all the drama I made up for
Mark and Matt just to realize I had become Mark, and I had no idea what I was
talking about before. My name is Mark, and the Changes have happened to me (to some extent) and my
original idea for this next chapter was to go back to the beginning and change
it. But everything has changed on its own, and life and fiction have come
together to create this next chapter, were everything’s distorted, everything’s
changed, everything’s… a Blur. CHANGES 3 : B L U R **** 1. I sat on a bench in the locker room. If you think I’m back in high school
you’re wrong… those days are long behind me and I am now in the locker room of a
gym my best friend forced me to come to. At first I agreed because I knew I
needed to keep my mind busy so I wouldn’t think of Rick but then I kept going
because of all the hot, naked men in the locker room (which kept my mind busy).
I pretended to check my cellphone was the tall, tanned jock I had been cruising
since I sat down, passed by to “drink water” he pretended not to look at me and
I pretended not to look at him. I grinned as I looked at his hard chest, smooth
back, perfectly round ass accentuated by the white towel. The jock disappeared
and from the showers came Jimmy, rolling his eyes and laughing at me. “What!” I laughed. “I’ll pick you up at 11” Jimmy said as he pulled up in front of my building.
One… Two… Rick. Three… Don’t. Four… Richard. Five… Matt. The doors opened and I rushed outside, hearing my quick steps as I walked
towards my apartment. I opened the white door and went inside to be greeted by a
wave of pain. I turned on the light. Somehow I thought maybe things hadn’t
changed, but they had. The TV was gone, the painting we bought at a bazar, a few ornaments, the
cushions. Nevermind.. “Ill find, someone like you” What the fuck? Figures that
Adele would pop in my brain just now. Why is it I have to have a soundtrack for
my life? I walked in the bedroom, trying not to look at anything because
everything reminded me of him. Starting from the bed for the obvious reason and
because the bed was his. I turned on the computer and stared blankly at the
bright screen as it turned on. If I just looked at the screen I could pretend
nothing’s broken, the computer was mine and always with me. “I love you” Matt said quietly in his sexy voice. My chest felt warm and
tingly as I moved my body to kiss his lips. It started as a gentle kiss but
every time I touched him I couldn’t be enough, it was like if I was trying to
make him enter my body so I could have him forever. Richard. I shook the images out of my brain. “I’m going insane” Why the fuck am I
thinking of Matt if he isn’t even real- Well, based on someone real, but its not
like anything like that happened, they were just fantasies… -Matt- Just fiction…
I opened Facebook, maybe that would take my mind off things, but the first
thing I did was check Rick’s profile. “Fuck” I closed it before I could see.
“Stop, stop, stop” I pressed my hands against my eye sockets. “Changes… I should
write, I’m always thinking about writing and never do” I opened the word page
and stared at the shiny, white page. “I felt the cold wind stab my face as I ran. My nose was numb, my hands were
stiff from the cold, and I couldn’t breathe, but I ran faster and faster. I ran
away from the pain, ran away from everything. If I stopped running I knew I
would die; my heart would shatter and my chest would explode and I would die. I
ran away from the note Matt had left me. I ran faster as I thought of the note
that I dropped on the bedroom floor. I fell on the ground as I remembered the
words. The cry I was controlling suddenly burst out of me and I struggled to
breathe on the ground as I remembered the words… I’m sorry. I’ll always love
you. Bye Mark” “Shit… I always want to start that way” I erased the paragraph. “Fuck” I
sighed. “Everything’s distorted, everything’s changed, and everything’s a blur”
I read the words out loud. I reread them. I reread them. Matt and Mark, Matt and
Mark… I cried as the cold water stabbed my naked body. As it warmed I started
touching my body and realized I wasn’t half bad… I knew I felt like shit but
strangely, for the first time in two years, I felt my age. Young. “Forever
young” I thought. My dick started going hard as I looked at it, and since it was
there “What the hell” I said as I grabbed tightly around my hard dick and
started pumping. My hard felt rough and big against my dick and my dick felt
hard and thick inside my hand. I moaned as the images began to pop in. I touched his hard thigh- Richard- No, John. No, Jimmy, NO. I touched his
hard bicep – Adam- No, the guy at the gym, no, the guy at the supermarket, the
one on the bus, the one at the movies, the couple, the ad guy, Tiffany’s
roommate’s brother, his friend--- I ran my hands through his chest and down to
his rock abs, I ran my hand through his perfect face- Whose face? I ran my
finger over his luscious lips and then caressed his neck. I moaned as I jerked
harder. He was sleeping and my chest burned with anticipation and fear of being
caught. I sat on his lap and I felt I was riding him, I ran my hands through his
body, under the shirt, feeling his hard, smooth torso and his dick against my
ass. I heard him moan so low I wasn’t even sure he did it. His dick was getting
hard as I lightly swayed my hips. I moaned, jerking harder, faster. I got off
him and grabbed his bulge, first on the outside and then inside, passing his
pubes then taking his thick, cut, hardening dick. I got my hand out of his pants
and looked at his beautiful face- I couldn’t see it but I knew it was beautiful-
Then I did what I wanted to do the most, since the moment I saw him and every
time I was with him. I kissed him. Matt. I moaned hard as I came over and over, on the wall, on the curtain, on the
shower floor, on my pubes, dripping down my hand and it was all being washed
away by the warm water. What the fuck…
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