I consider my first year of the high school as the moment when the little gay seed inside of me to started to sprout. I"m not saying that I didn"t have a fondness for some of my male classmates in junior high, because I did. That"s just where the seed was planted, high school is where it started to grow. By then, I could no longer consider my attraction to other guys as a phase, or confuse with simple curiosity.

I remember how scarry the first day of phys. ed. was in junior high school. As the clock counted down the minutes to my first high school shower experience, the fear that I remember from junior high was coming back to me as clear as if it where only yesturday. Then the bell rang bringing 2nd period P.E. to an end, and I knew what was coming next. Like cattle, we"d all make our way to the locker room to engage in that terrifying ritual of mass nudity. I could hear that old familiar sound that I hadn"t heard all summer long. It was like no other sound that I had ever experienced before. The sound of teen voices bouncing off of tiled walls, muffled by a multitude of shower heads spraying water at a stinging velocity. It was the only mixture of sounds that could create an instantanious image in my mind. .

I had only imagined what I"d see on that first day, and even those images fell short of what I was seeing with my own two eyes. Many of my classmates had a resigned look of thier faces. As they looked around at some of our upper classmen, it was clear that we where once again, small fish in a big pond. My hands shook all day long, and didn"t stop until I made it home and safely through my front door.

"Is that you Eric sweetie?" My mom called out from the kitchen.

"Yeah mom! - I made it home alive" I replied.

"So....... how was the first day of high school?" She asked.

"Pretty intimidating, especially 2nd period." I said 

"I"ll bet it was one of those really hard subjects, wasn"t it?" She said.

"No, but you"re very close" I said, smiling at my mom"s question..

I ran off to change clothes before she could ask what subject 2nd period actually was. I layed on my bed replaying the sights and sounds of those last 15 minutes of 2nd period. For the first time in my life, I couldn"t wait to get to school in the morning. 

I started to make friends with other freshman who came from different junior high schools. Many of my longtime friends seemed to fade away as the school year progressed. It was sad, but necessary because it provided me with an opportunity to meet other guy"s who didn"t know me. I felt less obligated to hide the "real me." at any cost. By that, I mean a guy who really liked to look at other guy"s. I had yet to developed a desire to touch. Well.....other then myself, I mean.

As I made these new aquaintances, I"d kept the friendship casual so that I could eaisly extract myself at the first sign of heterosexuality. My first year of high school was coming to an end, and I wasn"t getting any younger. I"d secretly lust after some of the cutest boys, knowing that anything beyond friendship was a remote possibility. 

When the last day of school arrived, I was sad for the first time in my life. Usually the last day of school was cause for celebration, but this year I"d miss it terribly. Half way through the parking lot, I looked back over my shoulder at the locker room. I knew that it would be 3 whole months before I"d feel the joy of standing under the cool shower with so many other"s. 

Summer had begun, and my first year of high school had come and gone so quickly. I suddenly found myself back in the old neighborhood with those friends who had drifted away and found new friends of thier own. Ususally I dreaded those last few day of summer when the new school year loomed just around the corner. Now, I couldn"t wait for school to start. I couldn"t wait to shed every stitch of clothing and place myself on display for anyone who cared to look. When the first day of my sophmore year arrived, I basically ran to fucking school. I filed into the gym looking for the table that handed out the schedules for those who"s last names ended in I thru L. As usual, it was a short line. God! did I ever feel sorry for those A thru D, E thru H, and M thru P kids. The Q thru T kids had it as easy as we did. But no group was as lucky as the W thru Z kids. There was like a dozen of those fuckers at the most.

I waited patientaly in line knowing that I"d be ask for the first four letters of my last name, which are LUEV. My last name is very uncommon as far as Hispanic last names go. Infact, I"ve never met another person with my last name who was not related to me. Not that there aren"t people with the same last name who are not related, because I"m sure there are. It"s just not a common Hispanic last name like Gonzales, Martinez, or Sanchez, and it is mispronounced more often then not.

"First four letters of your last name?" The girl asked when I got to the front of the line.

"L.U.E.V" I replied, and watched as her fingers scan down the list.

"Wow! another Luevano (pronounced: Lew-ev-ah-no)" She said. -- "So is Roy your brother or something?" She asked.

I didn"t fully understand what she meant until she pointed to my name on the list. I saw her finger pointing to the line that read LUEVANO, ERIC - GRADE 9. Right below my name, I saw LUEVANO, ROY - GRADE 9 and a signature was aready signed there in blue ink. Who was this dude? - A cousin? - I don"t ever racall hearing of a relative named Roy. I was filled with this sense of urgency and a need to find this guy and meet him. I wondered if this Roy-boy saw my name when he signed the list, and was he making as big of a deal out of it as I was?

Class after class, I looked around the room for unfamilar Hispanic guys. I"d listen carefully as my name was read during roll call. I know that Roy would follow right after me if he where in my class. By lunch time, I had all but given up trying to find this guy with my last name. Besides, P.E. would follow after lunch, and I couldn"t waste a drop of energy on anything else.

With my new P.E. uniform on, I walked out to the basket ball courts where more then a hundred of us waited to see what activity would be assigned. The coach arrived and began barking out orders starting with the letter "A" and I waited patiently until he got closer to my last name.

"Mr Larson, James go to softball! -- Both Mr. Lee"s, Joseph & Matthew go to the track! -- Mr. Lewis, Joe go to the tennis court! -- Both Mr. Luevano"s Eric and Roy go to softball" The couch shouted. 

As I got to my feet, I spotted the mysterious Roy Luevano for the first time. God! did I ever hope he wasn"t a relative because he was as cute as could be. We walked towards the softball field while moving closer to each other. He was about an arm"s length to my right, and 7 or 8 steps ahead of me. I could see him staring at my shadow as it closed in next to his. As bad as I wanted to talk to him, I was too shy as usual, and I hated that about me. But Roy was much more outgoing, and he stopped and turned around as if he where waiting for me to catch up to him.

"Hey, are you Eric Luevano?" He asked.

"Yeah, you must be Roy." I said.

"Yeah I am dude! - What a trip, I"ve never met someone with my last name who wasn"t related." He said.

"Same here." I said.

Like long lost brother"s, we talked to each other non-stop during the entire class. Normally, I"d be too chicken to spark up a conversation like this, but I wanted to talk to him very much. We determined that we where not related but it didn"t surprise me when Roy said that his family had just moved here from Texas. He was from El Paso, and my parents where from San Antonio. Now in Texas, Luevano"s are as common as Gonzales" are in California. We where both surprised when the bell rang. It was hard to believe that 45 minutes had passed so quickly. I found myself hanging on his every word, and taking notice of his subtle beauty.

Sadly, Roy"s P.E. locker was on the opposit end of the room, But it didn"t stop me from looking in that direction. Eventually I did spot a very wet, and very naked Roy about 10 showerheads to my left. It wasn"t close enough to make out the fine details, but it was close enough to see that Roy was remarkably similar to me in the nude. Aside from the fact that we"re about the same height and weight, we had the same skin tone, and our penis" where so similar in appearance, they would have made a nice set of matching bookends.

I happened to be glancing at a guy over in Roy"s direction just at the right time. He had donkey-dick for a cock, and I was surprised to see Roy staring at it in a not so covert manner. I saw Roy turn his head and carefully drop his eyes towards that massive meat, and then mouth the word "Damn!" as the guy strutted out of the shower. That was all that I could take, and I had to make a quick dash for my towel before my dick popped up to full mast.

For some reason, Roy and I didn"t try to meet up after gym to kill a few minutes before our next class. I"d usually not see him again until the next day. It stayed like this for most of that semester. Nevertheless, I couldn"t escape the fact that I was becoming very attracted to him. Day-after-day, Roy and I would become closer friends then the day before. He was letting his summer flat-top grow out and it changed his appearance dramatically. He was starting to look like a 18-year old Antonio Banderas, and it captivated me.

His straight teeth, smooth olive skin, warm smile, and our "Spanglish" conversations where the highlight of my day. Once the first half of the school year ended, Roy and I had completed our P.E. requirements for that year. Seeing him nude was temporarly on hold and I set out to change that as quickly as possible. Not all was lost because I now had him in 4th period art, and 5th period creative writing. That gave us the perfect opportunity to become closer. Both classes where taught in the same classroom, and by the same teacher. We shared a small desk together, and sometimes Roy"s leg would brush up against mine and cause me to shiver. Once, I shivered and gasped at the same time. From the corner of my eye, I saw Roy glance over at me, and then he look down at the goose-pumps on my arm. No other person has ever caused me to feel the things that Roy did. 

By the end of that school year, Roy had yet to mention a girl, or anything that would confirm heterosexuality. So I dropped my guard a little and allowed him into my life beyond the safety zone. He was no longer a casual aquaintance that I could cut loose at the drop of a hetero comment. For him to do so at this point in the game would be very painful, and I"m not sure that I could let go of Roy as eaisly as I had done with some of the other guys I tried to spark-up a friendship with.

We spent a great deal of the following Summer together waiting for our Junior year to begin. Our friendship had finally overcome any sense of modesty between us. That all stemed from a conversation we had out by the swimming pool at his house one day. We initially started talking about our varsity football team, and how bad they sucked this year. In particular, our star quarterback who had lost his love for the game, and wasn"t as fast as he once was. 

"He can still run faster then me." Roy said.

"I"m amazed that anyone could run so fast with a dick that big between thier legs." I said.

"He is kind of big, isn"t he?." Roy said.

"Kind of? - That cock is more then kind of big, it"s fuckin" humoungous!" I said.

We talked openly about some of the other big dicks that could be seen around the locker room. We even agreed that looking at other dicks was natural, and that any guy who claims to never have taken a look around was most likely dishonest. Then I brought up a few other names and waited to see what Roy knew about them, if anything.

"Hey! - What about Matt Lee?" I said.

When Roy started to giggle, I knew that he had already seen the dick in question. Matt was a senior who was nearly 6-feet tall. He was in excellent shape and had a really mean 6-pack, and decent arms. But he had a dick that was beyond small. It was flat out tiny. Infact, I"m not sure how you could even refer to it as a penis sense no shaft was visable. If you stood directly infront of Matt, you"d see a less then average size dickhead peeking out of a small patch of pubes. His entire package could be hidden from view with a business card.

We both wondered what masturbation must be like with such a small penis, and the topic wondered from there. We touched lightly on some of our own personal masturbation secrets. Things that I"d never tell anyone else, but didn"t feel hesitant to share them with Roy. Infact, the entire topic of conversation had me in a mood to tear down the last layer of modesty between us. I couldn"t resist the urge to strip down naked and jump in the pool right in front of Roy. He"d either sit and watch, or join me. Either would be just fine with me.

"It"s fuckin" hot! - I gotta get in that pool before I burn up!" I said. 

I started to kick off my shoes as I pulled my shirt up over me head. From the corner of my eye"s, I watched Roy to see what his reaction would be. He seemed to be watching me very closely. I pulled each sock off one at a time, and that left me with just my jeans and boxers. I pulled my pants off and ran towards the pool in my boxers, and dove into the deep end. I knew before I even hit the water that my boxers would slide right off of me. I let Roy in on the embarrassing situation as soon as I surfaced.

"Roy! - My fucking boxers came all of the off." I said.

Roy got up from his chair and walked over to the edge of the pool. He started laughing when he spotted my boxers slowly decending to the bottom of the deep end. 

"Well.....dive down and go get them nature boy!" Roy said.

"I can"t dive down that far, it makes my ears hurt. I"ll fish them out with the skimmer?" I said, and headed towards the stairs in the shallow end of the pool. I walked right up onto the pool deck butt naked and grabbed the skimmer pole. Roy seemed intrigued by how casual I was about being maked in his back yard. It wasn"t until Roy walked over to the deep end of the pool that he took notice of something oddly familiar.

"Eric - your dick looks just like mine" He said. "I mean like almost identical." 

When Roy grew tired of watching me try to get my boxers with the net, he took off all of his clothes, including his boxers and dove into the pool. He surfaced with my boxers and tossed them up onto the deck. I decided to dive back in and just swim around naked. 

"Aren"t you gonna put your boxers back on?" Roy asked.

"Do I have to? I replied

"No- you don"t have to?" He said.

"Cool" I said.

We sat on the edge of the pool amazed at the similarities in our dicks. They where the same size, shape, color, and even the circumscision scars looked similar. I began to fear that Roy and I where related some how. From the neck down, we could have passed for identical twins. I had always thought that dicks where like finger prints, and that no two where the same. But when you compared our dicks side-by-side, they where nearly identical. Soft, that is..............our erections remained to be seen.

From then on, nudity was no longer an issue between us. Roy was comfortable being nude, and seeing me nude. I was really taking a chance on nothing more then hopes and dreams. I had slowly begun to allow Roy into my family circle, and it felt nice because my mother absolutely loved Roy. She has never liked any of my friends 100% until she met Roy. - Some of my friends she disliked, and didn"t hide that fact. Other she liked to a point, but there was alawys some flaw or underlying concern.

But when it came to Roy, he was perfect and could do no wrong as far as she was concerned. What are the odd"s of my mom finally approving of the friend that I just happen to fall in love with? I soon became saturated in these feelings of love for Roy, and I knew that my ability to remain quite about them was wearing thin. It scared the shit out of me because I knew what I stood to lose. I was not so foolishly blinded by love, that I didn"t realize the consiquences of confessing my love to Roy. I knew that those three little words that I wanted to say to Roy so badly, could undo the past two years in a matter of seconds.

It was a wonderful Summer that Roy I spent together. We"d come so far from where we started on that first day of school a few years earlier. Over that time, we"d learned alot about each other, and by late August, I was becoming more and more careless about some of the things that I "d say to Roy. I"m not convinced that these where accidental slips of the tounge as much as they where consiously plotted. But either way, Roy would giggle with me when I"d say something that came very close to a confession. Or a comment with a hidden message. Sometimes Roy would even go out on a limb from time to time. 

My heart would flutter when Roy would make a similar "joking" comment that I was famous for. I always did it in a way that resembled a joke, but carried with it a heavy ora of honesty. One night Roy and I where talking on the phone as we each layed in our beds. We"d talk for hours in a voice that was so softly spoken that it bordered on erotic. I always hated the part when we"d search for things to say, and then eventually run out. On this night, I said good bye to Roy and without skipping a beat, Roy says: 

"Okay then! Buenos noches mi amor (Goodnight my love) and I busted up laughing loudly. So loud that I farted and Roy heard it over the telephone. 

We spent the next 5 minutes in a fit of laughter. That was the moment when I realized that I had lost the ability to feel humility with Roy. I loved him, and I was pretty sure that he already knew that. The train had officially left the station, and the moment of truth was on its way. When it would arrive, I didn"t know. I just knew that it would be here very soon, and there was nothing that could be done to stop it.

Whatever was meant for Roy and I was on a collision course like two freight trains, and by late November, I could hear them coming down the tracks. They where coming to get me, or us. Wether Roy would climb aboard with me was still very uncertain. I had never cried before during this adventure with Roy, but the thought of him not loving me back, or even worse, being repulsed by my love would make me incredibly sad, and fearful. 

By Christmas, Roy and I had both sent out little signals that built our confidence. I had cleared the largest obstical of my life. The one that caused me so much fear. It was out in the open between us even if it was still wrapped in ambigious dialog. I didn"t care! All I knew was that Roy had similar feeling for me he was afraid to put into words. We"d try so hard to help each other down that path, but it was never to say these words ourselves. It was always an attempt to let the other know that it was okay to say them. I"m not sure why I felt as if it was Roy"s responsibility to admit that he had feeling for me first. I just knew that it"s all that it would take fo me to confess everything that I had been keeping secret out of fear.

The night before Christmas, Roy and I went up to Hastings Ranch to look at the Christmas decorations. We had our most revealing conversation that night, and I"ll never forget it. It couldn"t have come any closer to just saying what we wanted to say. For a moment I thought that it was going to happen right then, and I remember shaking uncontrollably. Roy noticed it too and said that we could go put the heater on in the car and dive up and down instead of walking. But I loved walking beside him no matter what the weather may be. He always made me feel so safe whenever he was near. I"d often walk beside him having these daydream like episodes. I"d drift off and imagine us 15 or 20 years older, and even more in love. I could see so clearly how wonderful our life together was going to be.

I almost blurted out "I"m in love with you Roy" as soon as we where in the car, but he cut me off by asking if I remember to mail a letter to Santa Clause. What kind of question is that? I thought to myself.

"Yeah Roy, I remembered" I said with very little emotion.

"You sound worried Eric, have you been naughty or nice this year?" He asked.

"A little of both, but I think the nice outweighs the naughty." I said.

"Well that"s good - Maybe you"ll just get a few things on your list this year." Roy said.

"I don"t know Roy, I only have one thing on my list this year." I said, looking him square in the eye"s

"That"s funny - Me too!" Roy said.

And that was the end of that conversation. We didn"t even drive around to look at the lights, we just drove home in silance. I was screaming at my self inside of my head. "JUST TELL HIM YOU CHICKEN SHIT!"

God I was so pissed. Here was the most wonderful guy in the world. For more then 2 years now, we"ve slowly built this relationship that is scraming to go a little further, and we can"t seem to run the last few feet of a journey that taken us miles to get here.

The only thing that distracted me from my train of thought was Roy dialing his fucking cell phone. He held it to his ear and I almost shit when he started talking.

"Hi Sylvia, It"s Roy.......Merry Christmas!" He said. 

Sylvia is my mom"s name and I knew that Roy couldn"t be talking to some other Sylvia that I didn"t know about. Roy was the only friend who called both of my parents by their first name. I"m not sure how all of that started, but every other friend called my mom Mrs. Luevano. But to Roy, my parent where just plain old Bob & Sylvia. It made me feel good that they respected Roy so much. I knew that we"d be breaking some pretty big news to them in the near future. We just needed to break it to ourselves first. I listened to Roy and my mom talk as we drove down the freeway.

"I was just calling to see if Eric can stay at my house tonight. I sort of have a surprise for him and it"s important that he be there early in the morning" Roy said to my mom.

"Okay, thank"s Sylvia! Tell Bob I said Merry Christmas.......okay, bye." He said before hanging up.

"What the fuck was that all about?" I said.

"Don"t be mad, I just wanted you to stay over tonight." Roy said.

"Oh, I"m not mad. I"m just tripping out cuz I didn"t know who you where calling until you called." I said.

"Sorry, but if you would have called, she would have said no, but she can"t say no to me." Roy said.

"You"re too charming for your own good." I said

"Yes - I know this already!" Roy said.

When Roy and I got to his house, we ate some tamales with his parents. Soon after that, they went off to bed, and Roy and I sat in the den watching "It"s A Wonderful Life" for the 100th time that month. As the hours and minutes passed, we moved closer to each other until Roy gently layed his head on my shoulder. I was floating on air, and falling at the same time. I thought my heart would stop beating when Roy casually reached over and placed his hand ontop of mine. 

In my head, I screamed "YES! - YES! Thank you God! -- It is a Wonderful Life!" and I slowly turned my hand over so that his palm would lay flat against mine. I just looked down at our hands as our fingers move forward and locked together. It was too quiet, and I was afraid that I"d try to say something smooth, but end up sounding stupid. But what the hell! - When your in love, you say the stupidest shit, And tonight would be no exception to this rule.

"Hey fucker! - Where"s my surprise you told my mom about." I said to Roy.

"Oh....it"s right here!" Roy said and moved my hand right ontop of what was obviously his erection.

"Damn Roy! - What"s that in your pocket? -- Is that what I think it is?" I asked.

"Well it is"t Zuzu"s peddles pendejo!" Roy said.

I started laughing so hard that no sound was coming out. But that could only be funny to someone who has seen "It"s A wonderful Life" as many times as I have. But trust me! - that was some funny shit. We didn"t stop laughing until we heard his mom from down the hall.

"Boys! Boys! - Get your asses upstairs and into bed! It"s 2 in the morning!" She shouted in her loudest whisper.

"Okay, sorry." we both said.

But then Roy and I sat quietly. We didn"t move a muscle and just looked at each other in the den with the T.V. voulme turned all the way down.

"Well......you heard my mom, we need to go to bed." Roy said breathlessly.

"I guess we should." I said

"I"m ready, are you?" Roy whispered.

"Yes - I"m ready Roy" I said. 

We walked off together hand-in-hand to Roy"s bedroom. In the pitch black darkness of Roy"s bedroom, we undressed and felt our way onto his bed. As we fumbled around to get under the covers, I could feel that he was as naked as was I. We layed there for a moment, side-to-side and then I rolled over onto my side and placed my hand on Roy"s chest. I could feel his heart racing a mile-a-minute. I layed my me head down in the center of his chest and the warmth of it was incredable. I just breathed in the scent that was rising from his overheated body and it was wonderful. 

I felt Roy reach around and begin rubbing his hand up and down the surface of my back, and the other hand he used to run his fingers through my hair. I didn"t even think about saying it, it just came out all on its own.

"I"m in love with you Roy" I whispered.

"I know, I"m in love with you too." He whispered back. Then he rolled me over onto my back and kissed me for the first time. 

Although Roy and I didn"t have "sex" that night, we did everything imaginable to show our love for each other. I planted little kisses all over Roy"s chest and worked my way down lower and lower until I disappeared under the covers. Roy figured out where I was headed and stopped me for a brief moment. 

"Only do what you want to do, and not just because you think it"s what I want." Roy said.

"Whatever I do tonight, I do because I love you, and I need you. - I need this" I said, just before I took him completely into my mouth. The sound of him gasping and thrashing his head from side-to-side, sent a feeling through my entire body. With my nose burried deep into his silky soft pubic hair, I breathed in the most erotic and sexually intoxicating scent that I"ve ever experienced. It was a scent that smelled clean and warm. All of my scense where in overdrive. I could hear, see, touch, and taste Roy in a way that nobody has even done before. Within a few minutes, my scense of taste was inundated with a flood of his very essence. It made me love him in an entirely new way.

We took turns loving each other in that way over-and-over until we where drained. In the morning, I woke up in Roy"s arms. I layed there and watched his eyes fultter, then slowly open. The most beautiful smile wash over his face as his eyes focused in on me.

"I love you so much" He said

"God I"m glad I"m not dreaming Roy" I said.

"So did you get what you wanted for Christmas?" Roy asked with a grin.

"Oh yes! - Like 3 or 4 times." I said.

"How funny, me too!" Roy answered.

To be continued...

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